Life Coaching

Life coaching is becoming a much more sought after service for professionals. It is not the same as therapy. Therapy is really focused on healing the past in order to better manage the present and future. Life coaching is more about coaching a client in skills around managing their emotions, attitudes, strategies, and lifestyle to achieve desired outcomes while simultaneously improving their mental health. Life coaching would involve dealing with the past, but it is not about healing past traumas. There is subtle but vital difference between the two. If I suspect any past trauma in a clients life, I have the ethical responsibility to refer them to a competent and licensed healthcare provider. I will be more than willing to work in concert with that healthcare provider to coach the individual in practices that will help them better manage their emotions and face life’s challenges, but I will not directly try to help the person heal from any past traumas.

With that said, all of us have stored unresolved negative emotions in our memories. Because we may have a gestalt of fear, anger, hurt, guilt, sadness, frustration, envy or any other negative emotion label does not mean we have trauma that we need a therapist for. According to the American Psychological Association, trauma is “an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape or natural disaster. Immediately after the event, shock and denial are typical. Longer term reactions include unpredictable emotions, flashbacks, strained relationships and even physical symptoms like headaches or nausea. While these feelings are normal, some people have difficulty moving on with their lives.” Live coaching does not directly deal with trauma.

A person's personality is not fixed, but it can change;

while that might be a controversial statement in some circles, it is nonetheless true.

Life Coaching and a Growth Mindset

A good life coaching program will help a client develop a growth mindset. A growth mindset is often context dependent meaning we may have a growth mindset in some situations and not others, so life coaching should help a person access that growth mindset more consistently across multiple contexts.

Remember, according to Carol Dwek a growth mindset looks like this. 

Core belief: Intelligence can be developed

Leads to a desire to learn and therefor a tendency to:

  • embrace challenges
  • persist in the face of setbacks
  • sees effort as a path to mastery
  • learns from criticism
  • finds lessons and inspiration in the success of others

As a result they attain higher levels of achievement.

At Success Institute’s and our different mindset academies, we believe the focus of Dwek’s work is too centered on the idea of intelligence. Our belief is that our very personality is not fixed but can be developed and changed. That is controversial, but I do remember once being at a conference where one of the presenters asked the rhetorical question, have you ever seen an adult change their personality, and I nodded my head yes. He noticed and questioned me how. My response was through a deeply religious experience. He paused momentarily and said, "I guess that is possible," before going on with his presentation.

My point is if it is possible, the question should be how does that happen. If it can happen to one person, it can happen to another. While the answer to that question is not for this topic the point is. Our belief is people can change and our life coaching is designed to help them change. We teach and coach people to change their patterns of thinking, beliefs, and to look at how their beliefs and values are aligned. We help them learn to more consistently

  • embrace challenges
  • persist in the face of setbacks
  • see effort as a path to mastery
  • learn from criticism
  • find lessons and inspiration in the success of others.

Our life coaching is not focused on healing, but healing may well be a byproduct of our coaching.

Life Coaching and the Application of HEAT

There are some outstanding life coaching programs out there and they are typically aimed at the high achievers who can afford their very high prices. They do get results. Those good programs have the coach readily accessible to work directly with you and hold you accountable to doing specific activities. Other coaching programs or coaches simply listen, give advice, and make suggestions.

Many coaches offering life coaching services are relying purely on their own life experiences, which can be invaluable as far as they go. It is important to know that just because you were good at something does not mean you are good at coaching or teaching that skill. These coaches may not be working with you to break old patterns and create new ones. They are expecting you to simply take their advice and act on it. If it were that simple, people wouldn’t need coaches or coaching programs because they could simply buy an inexpensive book or take a cheap course to get the knowledge they need. It isn’t the knowledge alone that you need.

Life coaching is about getting the person to do what they need to do. Ultimately, that responsibility lies on the individual, but life coaching should involve the coach providing everything in his or her power to coach the person into taking the action not simply providing the knowledge or teaching a specific skill.

Our life coaching uses the terminology I developed, applying HEAT. Our coaching is about teaching knowledge, coaching skills, and coaching you to develop the vital habits that will serve you in the face of challenges.

At the core of our life coaching is our Growth Mindset Training Academy Curriculum. This curriculum begins with the two most premium priced courses – the Personal Breakthrough Training and Mindset Training the Foundation: Training a Mindset of Love. These premium priced life coaching programs are priced this way for two primary reasons. First, they are very effective if you actually participate by doing the assignments daily at best or every weekday at a minimum. The value of the course is actually significantly more than the price, especially when looking at the price of a top 500 college class.

Also, it includes two small group coaching and/or Q&A sessions each week with me. Because of the expectation of doing each lesson, which are not long, daily or every week day minimally, this is a very challenging course. We reward completion with gifts, encouraging a celebration, and a partial rebate. 

We also give strong financial incentives to do this as family, team, or cohort. Everyone in the team, cohort, or family can hold each other accountable and we work with the group to maximize the return on the investment – the partial rebate, when every assignment is completed. We cannot do much more to incentivize the completion of the program.

It is the creation of habits that our life coaching is pushing for. We cannot create the habits for you, but we will teach, coach, push, prod, poke, cajole, or whatever else we can to get you to do the behavior we want to become a habit. Those first two training programs are all about building two foundational habits and providing new skills to develop within those two foundational habits.

Success is the progressive realization of predetermined, worthwhile, and personal goals.

Life Coaching and Defining Success

Life coaching is not only about sharing your experiences and skills acquired through the years, but it is also about knowing what the top performers actually do internally to get their external results, not just what they think they do. Very often what they do is done unconsciously and they aren’t fully aware of what they do. It is possible to discover it from what they say in interviews, what they write, and by observing. What the top achievers actually do, think, and believe becomes the basis for a coaching model.

When I started down this lifelong pursuit of understanding success, I was trying to discover what elite champions did to achieve their results. Over the years, I came to realize that there were many champions in the game of life who we rarely hear about, but still are someone who possess the secrets to a successful life. Defining success was a necessary first step.

I love Ralph Waldo Emerson’s definition of success. He wrote, “What is success? To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate the beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch Or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!” With a definition like that you do not necessarily have to have reached the top of your profession to be deemed or even feel successful.

Still another definition I like is from Paul J. Meyer who wrote, “Success is the progressive realization of predetermined, worthwhile, personal goals.” If you combine those two definitions you will see that a successful life, a life of a champion, involves setting personal goals that are both personal and lead to a life that leaves the world a bit better. With that as a general definition, we can eliminate many high achievers that left in their wake broken relationships, and potentially swaths of destruction such as Bernie Madoff, Jeffrey Epstein, and Bill Cosby.

If someone is seeking life coaching, presumably they want to find success and fulfillment in living the life they choose to live. With those success definitions in mind, it wouldn’t matter what profession you chose. The question would be the same, “what do people who achieve that level of success do, think, and believe?” It is easier to find those answers for high achievers because there are interviews and articles and biographies about them. In my work, I have been fortunate to meet many ordinary people who fit my definition for success and to discover what they did, believed, and thought. Those things coupled with what modern psychology and even ancient religions have taught became the model for our life coaching.

Life Coaching and Your Lifestyle

Every successful person in life has had trials, tribulations, and often tragedies to deal with. It was the fact that they did deal with them and were still able to “laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate the beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch Or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived,” that made them champions of life.

While there are principles, beliefs, and thinking patterns that guided their lives and became embedded as character traits that identified their very nature, there were also two general practices that are common amongst successful people. Those two lifestyle habits are the formation of morning and evening rituals. Everyone has morning and evening routines, but not everyone has morning and evening rituals.

Routines are what we do when we awaken and before we go to bed as a matter of habit or routine. There isn’t really much purpose to them and they weren’t really done with intent. Of course there are standards such as hygiene that most people do as part of their routine, but there are others that are unique to each individual. Our life coaching program will help you identify what your routines are and develop positive, supportive rituals in your life.

Everyone does not necessarily have the same ritual components though there are principles that shape what should be included. A life coach would probably also offer recommendations based on experience and even current research. Those recommendations should fit within those general principles or categories that makeup the ritual. The ritual will include elements that address your mind, body, and spirit. The elements will help you develop the habits, emotional and attitude management skills that will allow you to safely navigate through the storms of life.

Other Life Coaching Topics

Benefits of life coaching

Be Your Own Life Coach

Choosing a Life Coach

Life Coaching for You, Your Teen, Your Entire Family

So many parents say to me they are trying to find something… anything to help their child develop the self-confidence and inner fortitude that is necessary to succeed in school and life, but they are still stuck with the old, school based solutions like guidance groups, special education classes, or “alternative” education classes that don’t address the core problem.  

I know this sounds crazy, but go with me  

The parents we work with go from seeing their child struggle with any one of the following: high stress, low self-confidence, poor peer relations, academic pressures, or fear to watching their child thrive in and out of the classroom without having to rely on ineffective and stigmatizing school based or community based classes or programs.  

Sure, someone could try guidance groups, social work groups, or whatever else public schools might offer them, but only if they want their child to address their problems slowly and with more of a struggle.  

But, the simple fact is our parents watch their teen train the habits, emotional management, and attitude that will prepare them for success in and out of school without having to worry about their child feeling insecure, or stigmatized by being placed in “special” programs and classes.  

Ready to see how it’s done? Then hit the link below to watch my 100% free presentation.  

It’s a must watch for any parent who is serious about helping their child become happy, well rounded and confident adults. 

Please consider joining our private Facebook group: Mastering Your Growth Mindset

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